Confessions of a Control Freak - and why we should let go!
Author: Nanice Ellis
One of the biggest problems with control is that when we try to control, we close our hearts and we separate ourselves from others, and of course, whatever it is that we try to control, imprisons us
I never would have admitted this years ago, but I was a control freak. Like all control freaks, I thought I knew best and I constantly attempted to persuade others to my way of thinking and feeling. It was a full time job, with long sleepless nights and no benefits to myself or others.
It is not fun to be controlling, because the more we try to control, the more life gives us things to control – which, of course, in the end we cannot control.
One of the biggest problems with control is that when we try to control, we close our hearts and we separate ourselves from others, and of course, whatever it is that we try to control, imprisons us.
Most of us grew up learning how to control
We quickly became experts in all the ways to control others; knowing how to apply the right amount of pressure, calmly convincing, covertly cajoling, and when all else fails, applying emotional leverage – like guilt.
But, we don’t just try to control others, we try to control life as well, through such ineffective strategies as worry, fear and bargaining with unknown forces. More advanced techniques might include invoking the law of attraction to get what we want. All in the name of, “I know what’s best – and everyone, including life, should listen to me.”
The truth is, the more controlling we are, the more controlled we are – because in order to become controlling, first you need to be controlled. Society, school, culture, military, authority and all sorts of rules that start with, “You should, must or have to….” all teach us how to control.
The desire to control comes from fear and that fear is programmed into us by the controlling hierarchy of society who want us to act, think and live in ways that support a fear-based world – that can easily be controlled. We are trained to be control freaks because as long as you are trying to control every aspect of your perceived reality you have no access to your true power. The controlling hierarchy much prefer a world of hyper-controlling people who believe that they have power rather than people who really do.
Yes, we control because we have been programmed to be controlling, but the core reason that we continue to control is because we do not trust life. We don’t trust life to take care of us and we believe that if we don’t try to control things, life will fail us and life will fail those we love.
Even if our controlling ways are somewhat successful, if we do not trust life, we are likely anxious, depressed and overwhelmed. When we are disconnected from life, we are also unplugged from the source of feeling good.
Peace and joy flow from a deep connection to life that can only be accessed through trust and letting go.
Look around you – look at all life is – and how it continues to become, without our meddling or opinions. The sun rises and sets each day on precise cue. The tides roll in and out in flawless harmony. The planets rotate like a well-choreographed dance through the universe. Everything is perfectly orchestrated without your control. Even the organs of your own body perform with the greatest of precision. Your heart does not wait for you to say, “Beat.” Your breath does not wait for you say, “Breathe.” It all goes on without you – yet it is ALL for you! What is the source of all these miracles that go on moment after moment without interruption? It is the Source of all this, and infinitely more, that you can trust…
… and when you do, the entire pulse of creation opens to you and you become that which you trust – because you are, and have always been.
The Universe possesses infinite knowledge down to the minutest detail. Nothing is overlooked. This same omnipotent consciousness is applied to everything in the universe from the smallest cell in our bodies to the largest galaxy in all of creation. The full attention of the Universe is equally upon each second of our existence. At the core of this awareness is unconditional love. This is what you can trust. This is what you can let go to.
Control Disconnects You from Your Power
Despite how it sometimes seems, the Source of life knows what it is doing at all times. When you try to control things, you misalign with life and then everything is more challenging because you are disconnected from this Source. When you let go and trust the power of the Universe, this power has the innate ability to serve you in all ways.
Letting go is the key to invoking the power of the Universe.
By trying to make life conform to your will, you waste your energy and you waste the very energy that could serve you – cutting yourself off from the unlimited power to create what you truly desire. When you try to force, manipulate or control, you cannot be trusted with this powerful energy because you do not understand it or respect it.
This immense and unlimited power cannot be grasped. The mere attempt at possessing it, puts it further out of reach. You can only access this power by letting go. When you access this power by letting go, you are someone who can be trusted with it – primarily because you trust it.
It does require courage to let go, but you really have no choice, because eventually you will have to let go. Not only because everything is in a constant state of dissolving, or that eventually we die, but rather because life will put insurmountable stress upon you until it becomes too painful to stay in control and you have no other choice but to let go. Hence, this is the divine purpose of stress. The stress in your life is pushing you to let go. It is no mystery that those who try to relentlessly control have the most stress.
Letting go of control immediately brings you back into connection with who you really are and the infinite power that originates and flows from this eternal Source. This intrinsic power is what you are letting go to. If you do not know what you are letting go to, it is very difficult to let go. Therefore, the greatest practice in which you can ever partake is in discovering who you really are. When you intimately know the Source of your being, it becomes very easy and effortless to let go because it is something, like no other, that you can trust. Nothing is more important than developing your relationship with this omnipotent Source – everything comes from this one connection.
Trusting life does not mean that undesirable experiences will never happen, it does mean that if they do, you trust that whatever unfolds is in your highest good, and the highest good of those involved.
Do you just go with the flow and allow life to unfold around you? Well, this is certainly one option and many awakened beings have chosen this path, but there is another option. It is my opinion that we are here to co-create. I am not just here to be a witness. I am here to dance with life and to create my own music for life to dance with me. Life invites your creativity so that your unique dance through the Universe is like no other.
Your ability to co-create lies in the power of your mind.
Life originates and unfolds in a Mental Universe which we call reality, therefore the only thing that can be influenced is the mental aspects of the Universe, and when this is mastered, the Universe unconditionally conforms.
Because the mental universe is a universe of mind, the way to influence anything in the Universe is through thought; not by controlling circumstance but by controlling thought. This includes our powers of visualization and imagination. Your innate ability to co-create and influence the flow of life lies in the power of your mind.
In our attempts to control life, we have disconnected from the source of our power to create.
It is interesting that these powers of the mind are discouraged from the time we are young children, and we are trained to use limited left brained thinking to get through life, but let’s not focus on the problems – let’s expand the solutions. If you want to claim your power, external protests will do nothing without reclaiming your power to think for yourself, image what you desire and put vision to your heart’s greatest desires. Action is always the effect. The real power comes from becoming the Master of Your Own Mind.
Because most of us have been programmed with all sorts of disempowering thoughts and beliefs, it can be very challenging to think for yourself. At first it may be nearly impossible to stop or control your thoughts, but you do have the power to let go of thoughts that do not support you simply by turning your attention away from them time after time, for as many times as it takes, until those thoughts stop appearing. You might have to turn your attention away from a single negative thought a thousand times before it loses power and disappears, but it is worth it. How long would you cut through chains in order to free yourself? As long as it takes because the alternative is staying imprisoned.
We are speaking about taking your energy back from ineffective attempts at controlling life and giving your full attention to the one thing that has any power to influence anything.
Instead of trying to control the world, become the Master of Your Mind and allow the world to flow through you!
This is your ONLY power but this is the greatest power in the Universe.
Let go of your own control and those who have controlled you will no longer have access to you or your energy; as you release control, those forces that have controlled your thinking are also released so that they have no power over you. You don’t need to undo all the programing and control mechanisms. You only need to give your trust to the Source of Life. This act of Deep Trust inactivates all man-made programs – because it aligns you with the Truth of Who You Really Are.
If you have been practicing control your whole life, it can be challenging to let go, but that does not mean that you cannot do it. In fact, the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the more ease you invite into your life.
The practice of letting go that I have found to be most powerful and effective is letting go to this moment. Imagine, in this moment only, you can let go of everything in your life – all your worries, obligations, roles, identities, stresses and everything else. In this moment you can be free of all of it. Place your focus on your breath as you release all your attachments, thoughts and beliefs, to this moment. Letting go to this moment brings you immediately into presence – where all your power dwells.
Breathe into the space that letting go opens up for you. Repeat several times a day, or discover your own best way to let go. Letting go is as easy as exhaling.
Whenever you cease to cling to yourself and you let go of control, you tap into the unlimited power of the Universe. The act of letting go plugs you into infinite knowledge – heightening your intuition, fine tuning decision making ability, inspiring powerful actions and aligning you with synchronistic experiences on a daily basis. Letting go is the secret behind every truly happy and successful person and is the precipitating event for real life miracles. This vast power is accessed in direct proportion to your voluntary ability to let go. You will likely discover that the more you trust life, the more life becomes trustworthy. This is your invitation to tap into the Magic and Miracles of the Universe.
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