Had not a day gone by that I had not fought for happiness? Through the years of tears and endless depression, I stumbled down her path - fighting for her fleeting attention. Battling within my self for the light that I believed only happiness could give me, and giving up everything that fooled me into believing that happiness lied outside myself. Emptying myself to the degree that I was empty. And, yes, finally finding happiness; dancing in her glow and even her afterglow - I believed that I had found the ultimate paradise.
Oh, how I love to dance in a paradise of blue skies and endless fields of gold; losing myself in the beauty of all that is. And even in the gutters of filth and disgust, I found her too; once I knew how to recognize her, happiness was waiting around every bend and turn. Playfully teasing me at times, yet always revealing herself in no-time.
Yet again, in my innocence I was blind.
One day, I came to learn that happiness is not all there is. There is so much more - even beyond bliss. You see, it is in the depth of my deepest despair and bottomless emotions that I have discovered a land so rich and sustainable that I effortlessly drown in infinite love and abundance.
When I let go to my deepest emotions, I find myself - not alone as I once feared but rather endlessly flowing with an intensity of fullness I have sought within myself in every breath I have ever taken.
Now, when happiness does sneak up upon me in those sweet moments of delight, I welcome her gladly but she and I both know I have other friends now and they are as much welcomed as she - any day.
Copyright 2009 - Nanice Ellis