It's Just None of My Business
I've recently discovered myself to be the subject of a Story or two. My first inclination was to dispel these stories but that created a real problem because, in order to dispel the stories, I would have to share one of my own. Of course, in my mind, my story being the true and correct one! But I didn't want to enter a battle ground with the shield of one story against the shield of another. Instead, I chose to stand in the shadows and watch my story dissolve, and it did. It wasn't long before I couldn't even remember my story- that was good. The only problem occurred when I tried to remember "what exactly happened?" It always led me back to the stories that were being told about me, and then my story would rear it's ugly little head; inside, this game of Mental Ping Pong ensued.
I sought out the emotional and spiritual gifts and there were many, but like a kid on Christmas morning, I kept waiting for the Big Gift that always comes after you unwrap the smaller ones; all at the same time, beginning to doubt if it would, in fact, arrive or if I would be able to recognize it when it did.
And just this morning, as I was driving up the hill, it happened. As if intentionally by surprise, the realization that would change my life forever Came and Got Me; and I went willingly and with Gratitude. All these years that I have been so aware of my own story telling and have taken responsibility for my own stories, it has never occurred to me that I was still trying to control and influence the stories that others told about me. It's interesting because it's been many years since I cared about the opinions that others have about me but there was definitely something that really bothered me in knowing that another had a unflattering story about me that was being shared outright with the world. But today, for the first time, I am Free from that delusion. The stories that anyone or everyone, for that matter, have about me are *none of my business.*
On this day, I am reborn unto myself and I free myself of All Story Telling; not only the ones I tell but most importantly, now, the ones that are told about me. I shared this epiphany with my son, Dustin, and he said "'Mom, I get it; but your reputation is based on stories people tell about you."' I said "'Exactly' - and so, I step out of all the stories, I give up having to have a reputation, and I'm just going to continue to be me, because that is my only job!
In grace & gratitude,