Wild Journey

Nanice Ellis

I pride myself on being strong and healthy, so when I fell ill over a week ago, it was not expected or welcomed. I had too much to do, and things that I really wanted to do; not just the old "to do" list which I dropped long ago. At first I kept telling myself, "tomorrow I'll wake up well," but as each tomorrow came and went, I was feeling worse and worse. The days were awful but the sleepless and even painful nights were often unbearable. Many nights I curled up on the floor with my dog Neo and just pleaded to be well again; not to Neo, of course, but to God. At first, I wondered where God was when I was feeling so bad, so alone. Then I started remembering, times like this, and there have been a few; hindsight, I see that God was trying to get my attention; to show me something. Often those things were not what I wanted to see, but when it comes to those dark nights of the soul, it is unavoidable, so it is best to let go and allow the journey to take you. And so I did. But to my surprise I was not shown where I had gone astray, but instead, the greatest of beauty was revealed to me. In the worst of the pain, my oldest son sat with me; he didn't say much, but the love and compassion in his eyes was so real and overwhelming that I realized that we had in fact healed our past wounds, and that there was nothing between us but love. And I cried. It was a long 4 year journey back to this sacred connection. Without effort or intention the next several hours alone by myself revealed an abundance of successes. I was shown that the most important things that I had asked for in the last few years had come to be: My teenage boys, who once tried to kill each other on a daily basis, are now best friends, gym buddies... and totally appreciative of each other. In fact, each one in my family has come to have a beautiful and genuine connection with each other. My home, which took 8 years to remodel, is now complete and so beautiful; my bedroom fit for a queen. And of course, I made peace with the turbulent passing of my mom; and somehow found her laughing on the other side. Then came the realization that I do indeed live completely in the moment; never ever wondering how my good and abundance will come, and always knowing that what I need will be there exactly when I need it. The secrets that I had and kept are well behind me now and what you see is what you get - no excuses, no apologies. All my addictions and distractions had dissolved into nothingness, and it seems odd that they ever even existed. There is nothing between me and my self. There is nothing between me and God. When I look inside now, that is always exactly what I find, with no layers of beliefs that once separated me from the Truth. Then at some point, I realized that the fear and worry that once ruled my life was completely gone. It was done. This realization brought me the greatest sense of freedom I have ever felt. There is nothing to fear. Nothing at all to fear. In fact, all the problems that I had perceived were not problems at all. There are no problems. There is only Great and Deep Beauty - everywhere. I thought about the most painful and challenging experiences of my life and all I saw was beauty, All I felt was God intensely loving me. Even in my darkest night, I have never been alone. I watched a lot of movies as I was on the mend; from Scrooge to Loopers and even Dr. Seus' Horton hears a Who, and I began to realize that the stories were all the same; each movie represented a being having experienced a limited part of who they are or even having completely strayed from their highest self-ideal. Life, paying careful attention to each one of these characters, knew exactly what challenge or opportunity to put in their path so they might, if they choose, become the person necessary to overcome and triumph beyond the challenge. Ultimately becoming who they really are. I began to realize that it is the same for each and every one of us; we are born with infinite potential, and Life lovingly and carefully places the perfect opportunities and challenges before us, at the perfect moment, so that we might stretch and grow beyond our imagined limitations, one day discovering that we have become the person that we were destined to be. With great gratitude, I bow to each one of my own greatest challenges with complete humbleness and honor. This wild illness-induced week-long Shamanic Journey was not what I consciously asked for, but in the end it was such a gift. It forced me to look within and take stock, in order for a purification to be experienced. It is no accident that it occurred on the eve of the New Era. I believe that we are each being asked to turn within and take stock of where we have been, where we are and where we want to go. This is, indeed, an important time to be alive, and a privilege to be here now. With the days counting down to December 21, 2012, let us not take a single one for granted. Let us find the ability to forgive ourselves and others, open our hearts completely to love and live each day as the precious and sacred gift it really is. In Health, Wealth and, of course, Love, Nanice www.Nanice.com

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published on Nanice.com by Nanice

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